Dr O’Dwyer adds: “Parent carers love their kids and want the best for them, but they often feel trapped in the caring role. While other people’s kids become increasingly independent as they grow up, parents of disabled or seriously ill children know they’ll have to provide essential care for the rest of their lives. And when you combine this with the impacts of austerity, a crumbling health system, and systemic failures in social care, it’s not surprising that parent carers become overwhelmed by the caring role and see suicide as the only way out.”
Anna, a parent carer and co-researcher on the study, says: “I hope these findings will help parent carers feel seen and understood. So many of us have felt this way, but each of us thought we were the only one. My daughter is 30 now and lives in supported living. When she was first born and we were told she had a rare condition the feelings of shock, fear and guilt were overwhelming alongside coping with my own distress and caring for a new baby. I had some really dark days and thought seriously about ending my life. I still fear for her future. We spent so many years just to get her the same opportunities and experiences as other kids, to give her the best possible life, but now things are in place, what if it all goes wrong? Who will fight for her when we’re no longer around to do so?”
Julia, another parent carer and co-researcher on the study, says: “When we first talked about doing this research, parent carers were scared to even say the word ‘suicide’. Because it’s hard to explain to people that you can love your child and want the best for them, but also be so overwhelmed that you want to kill yourself. Every parent carer lives in fear of having their child taken away if social services think we aren’t coping, so we simply don’t feel safe to tell our GPs or social workers how we’re feeling. And even when we do muster up the courage, often nothing happens to address the cause and relieve the burden of care.”
